My mind was blown apart by an article the August 1995 issue of Spin magazine. The Internet was growing, and finding information about alternative sexual practices was still largely an effort of sniffing out and digging through tangible publications. I’d comb through Factsheet Five, the now long-defunct “zine to zines,” and thumb through the erotic photography and culture books in the basement of Tower Records on South St. for clues about fringe sexuality. I wanted to know about porn, about S/M (before I knew about “BDSM”), learn how to become a dominatrix, and discover how to modify my own body for additional pleasure while embracing methods of nontraditional beauty.
In other words, I sought the maps to the other worlds that were flickering in the distance of my mind. At 14, I knew that I had some peculiar interests, but I no idea where to go to deal with them-except to books and magazines.
And then that infamous 1995 issue of Spin, with a soaked Michael Stipe commanding the cover, appeared in my parents’ mailbox.
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I don’t recall reading any of the music articles, but I read and re-read “Scar Lovers: Sex in the USA, Part One” by Eurydice in various sittings, repeatedly feeling washed over in arousal and horror. The idea of cutting a design into someone’s flesh seemed barbaric-and beautiful. I longed to find a BDSM club where I could explore cutting, blood play, and public punishment. I dreamed of getting Raelyn Gallina‘s work imprinted in my flesh. In contrast, I feared what these desires made me, particularly if it meant I might be socializing with people who are known for “going out in costume and dragging 15-year-old kids into the bathroom and raping them, ordering them to blow each other, that sort of thing,” as one of Eurydice’s subjects boasted.
While a recent read of the article still resonates with me, it does so much differently. Rather than fearing this odd world, I came to embrace it. It took several stops and starts to finally feel comfortable with my kinky interests, but I can laugh at parts of the article now while still tapping into my initial reaction of primal desire.
I’m curious what other people think, and especially what impressions you get from “Scar Lovers.” Use Disqus to leave a comment now, or e-mail me at dee [at] fetishmovies.com.
XOXO,
